I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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