I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
