I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
