just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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