I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
