he puts the penis in happiness.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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