I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
