Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
