We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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