Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
