I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
