I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
