I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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