My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
