I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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