So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
