ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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