you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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