i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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