my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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