I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
