For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
