he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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