So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
