Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize