I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
