Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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