I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
we should paint friendship bongs
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