where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize