so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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