What a fucking waste of an outfit
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
