What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize