Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
