Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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