Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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