Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
