My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
