guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
