I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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