I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
