We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize