Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
