how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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