youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
