hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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