I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
