RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
