You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im about as happy as oj after his trial
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
