just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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