Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
