I just saw a hot homeless man
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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