I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
