i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
