She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
