omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
