just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
