Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
